this is matt

…and now, the story behind why I started this blog.

When I was in junior high, a good friend started calling me Stan, which came from an inside joke. I adopted it as my online persona (“Stan” became “Stanman” became “StanManX”). When my friend introduced me to some of his friends, he introduced me as Stan. For about six years, those people thought Stan was my real name. As a result, I stopped thinking of it as my gamer handle and began to associate it with nebulous concepts like “belonging” and “friendship” and all of that. These people stood in my wedding.

One of those people got me my first “real” job. I started as an intern in 2006, full-time after I graduated and got married in 2007. He introduced me as Stan, naturally, and that became my nickname at work. It was great at first, but once I figured out that the boss was evil and his pet boy was a douchebag, I started to hate it. It was no longer “the name my friends call me,” but “the name my jerkwad boss and the drunk in the cube next to me call me.”

In May 2010, I attempted to create a new identity for myself. It made sense — I hated the sound of my nickname, and I wasn’t gaming a whole lot because I was desperately trying to figure out how to get out of my job. A friend encouraged me to reinvent myself and go nuts.

My new website — this website — would be the outlet for creativity, while the other one would be my personal blog. It sounded great! Instead of having a random mish-mash of different crap, I could have two mish-mashes of semi-focused crap! Brilliant!

It never really worked. I was pumped about the new site for a while, but the old one basically fell by the wayside. The main problem is that you honestly can’t separate “creative” from “personal”, so every time I had a thought, I agonized over which blog it belonged on. It wasn’t so bad when I was on a hot streak with the music, but, as any creative person will tell you, the well sometimes runs dry and needs a few weeks to refill. That’s when I basically gave up on trying to post anything.

In October 2010, a couple things happened. The friend who encouraged me to start this site proved not to be a friend after all. The friend who got me my awful job got me a much better one. I insisted that he not introduce me as Stan, because I didn’t want random douchebags calling me that, and he worked really hard to start calling me Matt while at work.

Funny thing about the new job, though, is that there are no douchebags. That’s probably not entirely true, statistically speaking, but in regards to people I have to interact with, they’re generally pretty great.

Another perk of the new job is that I am in a much better place mentally and emotionally. A direct result of that is that I’m more creative, more productive, and have more time for screwing around playing video games.

Last week, I was moved to a new department, which involves sharing space with four other newbie programmers. One of these developers is named Matt, which led to another saying that we needed some way to differentiate us. I mentioned that, when faced with a similar situation, my friends started calling me Stan. Immediately, they wrote “Stan” up on the whiteboard.

It’s kind of nice this time around.

At this point, I’m tired of having two dead websites and I miss having the pressure of a blogging schedule to keep me on top of my other creative projects. This whole “new identity” thing came about because I was in a dark place, so I’m killing it.

http://stanmanx.com

Image Line has created a mobile version of FLStudio for the iPad/iPod/iPhone. I generally avoid Apple technology, but this is a strong incentive to become an iDouchebag… though they do say that an Android version is in the works, so if I can just be strong for a little while, I can maintain my integrity.

The appeal is simply the ability to start new projects when I’m not at home. Ideas are constantly popping in and out of my head, and most of them end up lost to the ether because I don’t have a good way to capture them. A mobile music app solves that problem nicely.

So yeah, I’m blogging this because they’re giving away iPads and iPods and I want to win one.

F Chords is back! It’s a fantastic webcomic about a pair of studio musicians trying to live the rock & roll dream that had a brief run three years ago. Check it out from the beginning — it’s quick and worth it.

Dang, it’s been one year since I launched the site. Also, I’m now twenty-seven. (!) It’s crazy because I remember when my parents were this age –they seemed like grownups. I mean, I’m technically an adult, but I feel like they had a better grasp of the situation than I do.

Anyway, what have I been up to for the last year? I’ve been making music, writing stories, and drawing pictures — basically what I set out to do. Usually I beat myself up for not doing as much as I want to, but I can’t help but feel a swell of pride when I look at my hard drive, my sketch books, and my notebooks and see holy crap I did stuff. One song at a time, one story at a time, one drawing at a time — it adds up to something to be proud of.

So, as I embark on my twenty-eighth year, I’m just going to keep striving to do what I do, but better. Makes sense, right?

(also, happy mother’s day)

I’m making some changes to how this blog is going to work.

First off, five posts a week is too damn much. Occasionally I have a good week of interesting stuff, but it’s a lot harder to think up good content five times a week than I originally thought. I’m scaling back to 2-3 times per week and focusing on quality.

Second, I’m not going to keep posting music every week. I’ve come up with some sweet stuff and some bland stuff, and I hate having to post bland stuff just because “it’s what I do.” Once it’s up, it feels finished and untouchable and I move on, even though some things would still benefit greatly from more work. So from now on, if I post music, it’s going to be because I think it’s top-notch and needs to be heard.

There will be a facelift in the coming weeks, too, so keep an eye out for that.

I will definitely be listening to Dark is the Way, Light is a Place on the way home. That’s the Anberlin album that came out Tuesday. It is awesome and I recommend it.

Totally looking forward to seeing my cat again.

When this entry goes up, I will (hopefully) have been on the road for about 8 hours. Probably in West Virginia by now.  Prayers and good thoughts would be appreciated.

Preparing for a long trip is always a really intense experience for me, mostly because I’m worrying about how many things I might forget. Make a list. Make sure toothbrushes are on it. Make sure we don’t pack them until after I brush my teeth in the morning. Do we need jackets? Pack a hoodie at the very least. And so on.

And then I spend several days worried about potential traffic hazards. Last time we went on a trip, there was a semi truck that kept drifting across all three lanes. The thought of passing it was kind of scary.

I hope construction doesn’t delay everything significantly.

I hope my back doesn’t hurt too bad.

I hope the dog doesn’t puke everywhere.

I hope my AC doesn’t quit.

I hope Sarah doesn’t sleep through the whole thing.

Anyway, those are some of my road anxieties. How do you handle long drives?

We’re going to visit my in-laws next week, so things are going to get a bit hectic for me. So! To make things a little smoother for me, I’m officially putting out the call for some guest posts.

It doesn’t have to be long, just well-written (or poorly drawn, if it suits your fancy). I’m particularly interested in hearing your thoughts about such topcis as:

• your favorite movie, game, band, TV show, or comic book and why it’s so awesome
• your thoughts on industry, the workforce, economics
• whatever creative projects you’ve been up to lately

Or really anything you feel like talking about that fits the overall mood of this blog (if this blog has such a thing as an overall mood).

Send it to matt@thisismattswebsite.com

I’m consuming about a quarter of the caffeine I was taking in two weeks ago. I’m doing ok, but usually around 9am my head starts feeling a little… foggy. Then the rest of the day feels weird, like I’m viewing everything through a haze. I’m betting this will stop when my sleep pattern stabilizes.