this is matt

I need one more synth part in the piece that I am working on. One. More. Part. I can hear it in my head. It sounds great. But the synths! They are sorcery to me. All these knobs and sliders and toggles… I don’t know what they do, because they all seem to affect each other, so every time I touch a knob it changes the sound in new and exciting ways.

That means it’s learning time. Thanks to the FL Studio documentation and permission to use the work printer for personal things, I have manuals for my most-used synthesizers. I’m starting with the most confusing one, Sytrus, and holy crap. There is a whole vocabulary to learn when it comes to using digital audio tools. There are things going on that you just never have to think about as a guitarist or a drummer in a band.

It’s a slow process, but it’s worth it. When I think about how many hours I’ve wasted just randomly clicking things until I got a good-enough sound, I get excited at the thought of one day knowing what I’m doing. I’ll be able to deal with the technical crap more quickly and move on to the important part — writing music. There have been nights where I sat down and started turning knobs… and then went to bed three hours later with only a couple of sounds that were close to what I wanted. No actual creation was involved, just getting myself ready to start creating the next day. It’s immensely frustrating, but right now it’s the only way I know how to work. I want to change that.

Do you have any time-wasting practices that could be solved by spending a week or two in student-mode? You should consider trying it. I’ll let you know how it works out for me.

My mom got me Mel Bay’s Complete Method for Modern Guitar for Christmas. I had Grade One way back when I was a teenager taking lessons, and I used it several years ago when I was teaching lessons, but sight reading has always been my weakest area.

I’ve finally hit the point where I’m more irritated that I can’t sight read than I am intimidated by learning how to sight read, so starting last Saturday (the 8th), I am taking guitar lessons… from myself. I’m taking myself back to the basics and forcing myself to go slow enough to really master them this time. So far it has been tough because I want to blast through everything and call it good.

But I know that won’t work, so I’m forcing myself to be diligent. And it’s paying off: I actually know some notes. Crazy, right?

I guess I just wanted to post this as some kind of public service announcement or something… If you find yourself hitting a wall in your creative pursuits, maybe you need to backtrack and fill in something you missed or forgot along the way. It could be the key to moving forward.

As I’ve mentioned, I recently read a book called Refuse to Choose by Barbara Sher. I’ll spare you a stilted review and just say that if you find that you have trouble figuring out your “one true calling” in life, you should read it. Amazon has it.

Instead, I want to tell you about what I’m going to be doing as a result of having read this book. It will be easier to evaluate whether it’s a good book for you.

The first thing I did was identify the various things that I get fixated on. In my case, there seems to be a finite number — I’m not the kind of scanner who will constantly be looking for something brand new, but the kind who likes to hit a milestone and then jump tracks. So I thought, “ok, I love music, drawing, writing, programming, and gaming.” I also made a list of everything I had ever expressed a marginal interest in (it was lengthy), just so it would no longer feel unending. I’m also basically ignoring that list.

Next I had to figure out how to tackle the things on my short list. One recommendation is to schedule yourself huge chunks of time to focus on one particular thing, but the problem with that (for me) is the skill decay (and also the fear of skill decay). If I only play guitar for three months every two years, I’m going to be a terrible guitarist and I’ll spend two and a half of those months re-learning everything. Rotation is out.

Instead, I’m approaching this like I have a giant stove and each of my interests is a pot of tasty liquid. There are five burners — one hot one and four warm ones. When my brain says it wants to work on music, I’ll make music a huge priority and put a ton of time into it. But the other four things will still get some attention, just to keep them “warm”.

This week, I started drawing. The goal is one sketch a day, even if it’s awful, and even if I only spend 10 minutes (or less!) on it. The point is developing the habit. I won’t experience dramatic increases in skill, but I’ll be able to keep myself from slipping. In a couple of weeks, I’ll introduce something else — maybe I’ll make a point of doing some complex guitar exercises three or four times a week.  Every couple of weeks I will adjust my schedule to allow one more thing to get a minimal amount of attention, until I’m ready to embark on the Next Big Project — whatever it is. Once the project is in full-swing, everything else will get strict time constraints, but it will all get just enough attention that I won’t worry that I’m losing it.

I don’t mean to create a rigid schedule of my life, though. I’m just talking about giving myself permission to do several things half-heartedly because I know that one of them will capture my attention in the future and I want to be ready.

This might not work. But it sounds way more doable than my previous method of sitting on the couch and wishing for more time.

I realize I’ve been slack in my production of quality prose as of late, and I mean to rectify that. By which I mean offer up excuses for my indolence.

Item 1: New job, ergo new sleep/wake cycle. Still adapting.

Item 2: New web hosting. There were some downage issues, and I still don’t have all my plugins. Sarah’s site decided to break all of her images, so I’ll have to look into that.

Item 3: Utter lack of focus due to recent attempts to focus this blog.

And Item 3 is where I’d like to turn my attention. Through a series of awesome events, I was able to score free consulting with someone who specializes in internet marketing. See, my previous job was utterly miserable and I desperately wanted to turn something else into a viable source of income so I could get out of that hellhole. The advice I got was to stop using this site as a personal blog and use it as a marketing tool. Since I want people to pay me to write music, I should talk about music. Don’t post samples of my stuff because people are generally scared of listening to new things.  It makes sense.

But my new job doesn’t feel like a noose around my neck. Most days, I get home and I’m pretty energized about doing stuff — music, books, games, websites, whatever. It’s not that I don’t want to turn music into a money-printing machine, it’s that in the battle between writing music and marketing my music, writing music always wins.

Add to that the fact that every single “personality branding” type of online business blog that I read have become carbon-copies of each other and you have a pretty cynical Matt looking out at the internet with one eyebrow raised.

Also, I’m reading a book, which I mentioned once before (and which I shamefully haven’t finished yet, due to other things existing) that has changed the way I understand my brain. I’m still not ready to talk about that book, but I will say that it is biologically impossible for me to follow conventional “make money” advice like, “pick one thing and stick with it forever.”

So that’s where I’ve been.

Have you ever pulled out an old album that used to be a favorite, only to discover that five or ten years later, you kind of hate it? I had the opposite experience, and it requires a story.

Back around 1998 or 99, a friend of mine introduced me to a band called Further Seems Forever. I thought they were amazing and eagerly awaited the release of their debut album. Their lead singer, Chris Carabba, started a side project called Dashboard Confessional that I thought was pretty good. Then I heard he was leaving FSF to pursue DC full-time. Because I was a stupid teenager, I thought, “OMG SELLOUT!”, so when I heard Swiss Army Romance, I wrote it off as whiny songs for teen girls and basically never listened to it again.

For no apparent reason, I popped in Swiss Army Romance this week. It’s a burned copy, and two of the songs are scratched pretty bad, but I was amazed to discover that I love it. It only took me ten years to realize it.

The moral of the story: Don’t go into an album with preconceptions. You might be surprised at what you hear.

I wonder what else I actually like…

I’m reading a book that is helping me understand what the hell is wrong with me. Turns out, it’s nothing.

Does it confuse or frighten you when someone asks, “What do you want to do with your life?” How about any of that question’s close cousins, like:

• What do you really love to do?
• What’s the one thing you would do if you had a million dollars and didn’t have to work?
• In a perfect world, what is your perfect career?

Those questions have been the bane of my existence. It’s hard to pick just one thing because I’m constantly finding myself pulled in a thousand directions, feeling like I need to do everything at once before time runs out. I’ve been called lazy, entitled, undisciplined, and directionless.

Barbara Sher calls me a scanner, and I’m going to have more to say about it once I finish reading Refuse to Choose. The book is helping me think differently about how I approach things like music and blogging, and I think once I’m done I’ll be able to work with my brain to really rock hard at everything. That means better writing, better music, and basically better me all around.

A common theme on many blogs about doing various themes is this focus on quality. We’re constantly being admonished to do things well, to constantly improve, to perpetually be seeking new ways to step up our game. It sounds good, right? Rock hard, do your best, and success will follow.

Yesterday, I heard the new Ke$ha song and I realized we are going about this all wrong. Behold!

We’re dancing like we’re dumb
Our bodies go numb
We’ll be forever young
You know we’re superstars
We are who we are

Profound.

Forget quality, guys. Just phone it in and put a beat behind it. Keep an eye out for my next sales page, Matt’s $25 Mediocre Beats.

I taught guitar and drum lessons on and off while I was in college. Teaching, you may have heard, is the best way to learn. When you have to explain something, it solidifies your own understanding, and you live happily ever after. That’s great and all, but the experience taught me some things about life.

David and Trevor (fake names) were next door neighbors and provided a nice Goofus and Gallant illustration for my overall experience. They both made excellent first impressions on me and I fully believed they could both be amazing rather quickly.

David practiced daily — it was obvious in his consistent mastery of the previous week’s material. However exciting or boring his homework was, I could tell he had been practicing. Unfortunately, David was getting in trouble at school, so his mom canceled lessons every two or three weeks. After four consecutive weeks of arriving at an empty house, I stopped going over there. I’m sure this kid is awesome now, though.

Trevor was hit or miss. When he practiced, he improved at the same rate as David, but he only practiced if his homework was fun enough to override about 10 other things competing for his attention. I gave him lessons for 6-8 months. He did improve, but not nearly as much as he could have.

I don’t think Deb or Billy had any interest in guitar. Deb’s parents really wanted her to be musical, and Billy’s mom just wanted to give him the opportunity. At one point, several months into lessons, Deb’s dad asked me when she would start playing songs. I told him “When she starts practicing.”

I taught Billy for over a year, and I don’t think he practiced once. No matter what I tried to teach him, his eyes glazed over and his attention would wander. It was frustrating, and when his mom told me he had expressed interest in playing an instrument in his school band, I gave my blessing and told them to call me over the summer if things didn’t pan out.

Tina practiced every week and never missed a lesson. She planned on starting a band.

Kyle had been drumming for a couple of years and started taking lessons to improve faster.

Peter showed up early and stayed late to talk about drummers, drums, and techniques. He worked hard at reading drum music.

Allen started a band before he had any skills or a full drum kit. I’m not sure this kid even needed lessons with the drive he had, but he definitely took everything I said and applied it.

One teacher. Eight students. Different results. Why? It’s the same reason people who buy business books or weight loss videos fail to start their business or lose weight. The teacher, the book, the video can only show you what to do. You have to be the one to take action, do the work, if you want to achieve something.

No one will read your blog if you don’t write in it.

No one will listen to your podcast if you don’t record it.

No one will watch your movie if you don’t film it.

No one will buy your product if you don’t create it.

I’m not trying to say you’ll have instant success. My students still had to work hard, for months or years, before they could claim to have skill. But the ones that worked for it got the payoff.

What are you trying to do? Go do it.

It quickly became apparent that I had two options:

1. Kick caffeine
2. Enjoy my vacation

I went for the second one. Headaches are the opposite of a good time. However, I did manage to reduce my dependence, so I think a little cold turkey in the near future might finish the job.

Vacation was thoroughly enjoyed. I had so much fun playing games that I’m thinking about resurrecting my old site (which is named for my gaming handle) and ranting about how much I’m having on a regular basis (for the curious, the games in question were StarCraft 2, Final Fantasy Tactics, and Left 4 Dead 2).

I’m going to start giving myself more time to work on music during the week. Having 2-3 hour blocks to work with was nice, so I’m going to try to do that once or twice a week, instead of trying to do 1 hour four or five times. I just hope I don’t resort to drinking coffee in the evenings to do it…

Wow, seriously guys, get enough sleep on a regular basis. I can’t believe how awesome I feel. I hope I can keep this up when ultra-weekend is over because it is freaking amazing. Now let’s see how long I can go without caffeine.