witch of resolutions
Long ago, there lived twin sisters, Agnes and Daphne, who couldn’t be more different. From an early age, Daphne strove to be the best at everything, while Agnes simply wished to be the best. While Daphne was making clothes and hunting wildebeests, Agnes moaned about how unfair it was that Daphne had nimbler fingers and toned arms, making it easier for her to sew and throw spears. Daphne was constantly adding new skills to her repertoire, while Agnes sat back and envied Daphne’s skills.
On the eve of the new year, Daphne always resolved to do something new in the following twelve months. Agnes always rolled her eyes and said she’d never do it, but Daphne always proved her wrong. Everyone else was so impressed by Daphne’s determination that the idea of making resolutions for the new year spread faster than gossip, and Daphne became something of a local hero. Agnes, true to her character, complained that Daphne got all the attention and respect, eventually moving into the woods outside the village so she wouldn’t have to see her sister or the people who loved her.
Years passed. Agnes watched from afar as her sister inspired the villagers to greatness, growing more bitter with each passing year. The malice in her heart grew so potent that it became a malicious force that she could control. Finally! She could do something that her sister could not! She began to wander the forest with her hate-spirit, using it to hunt and gather food, to move trees that had fallen in her path, and to waylay careless travelers. The more she used it, the more powerful it became.
Finally, she decided it was time to return to the village for their eve of the new year celebration. One by one, each person spoke one thing that they wanted to accomplish that year. Agnes stood last. Summoning the full power of her hate-spirit, she cried, “May you all fail at that which you seek to accomplish!” The hate spirit splintered into thousands of pieces and entered each person present, and Agnes fell over dead. That year, and for every year after, the people of the village failed to achieve the one goal they set for themselves each year.
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This is why I don’t make new year’s resolutions.